Subconsious Theatre presents: Spongebob!
by TheSmartAlec
Summary: COMPLETE! What are our favorite friends from the deep really thinking while performing for the kiddies? Rated T for strong language, so be warned.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: PLEASE BE WARNED: THIS FAN-FIC IS NOT FOR CHILDREN BECAUSE IT CONTAINS STRONG LANGUAGE! PLEASE TAKE DISCRETION BEFORE READING AND REVIEW! ALSO, THIS IS MEANT FOR A PARODY AND I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST SPONGEBOB! AND NOW, ENJOY...**

**A/N #2: ATTENTION! I am making a huge Subconsious Theatre database in the Misc. section. In the review section, give me a cartoon I should do first. Much obliged.**

**Subconsious Theatre: Spongebob Squarepants...**

_The big foghorn alarm clock that would probably blow out a normal person's eardrums wakes Spongebob up without a problem._

_SPONGEBOB: I'm awake! Now I can go on to my dead end job and contemplate about how much of a fucking loser I am! Hooray!_

_He gets into his one-piece clothing and goes on his way. Patrick blocks his way._

_PATRICK: Hey, Spongebob! Wanna go jelly-fishing and talk about how we can be more than just friends?_

_SPONGEBOB: No thanks, ya lowlife moron. I've gotta go to the Krusty Krab. Last time I was late, Mr. Krabs beat me with a sack of oranges!_

_Spongebob moves on his way._

_PATRICK: (crying) Someday, my love._

_Eventually, Spongebob gets to the Krusty Krabs, a dingy but strangely popular hamburger stand owned by the famous and cheap Mr. Krabs._

_SPONGEBOB: Good morning, Squidward! How are you?_

_SQUIDWARD: Fuck you, Spongebob._

_SPONGEBOB: (laughing) Good one, Squidward! I'll continue to pretend that you didn't say anything and that were best pals!_

_Spongebob moves to his station, where he begins to make fatty, deep-fried hamburgers that will probably make all the fish in Bikini Bottom die of obesity-related heart attacks._

_MR. KRABS: Spongebob, continue to deep fry those hamburger patties. And while you're at it, spinkle MSG and cyanide on those french fries. Salt and pepper cost too much!_

_SPONGEBOB: Sure thing, Mr. Krabs! I love working 119 hours a week and still qualifing for welfare!_

_MR. KRABS: Just remember, Spongebob. If you ever stop working for me, I'll slit your throat._

_SPONGEBOB: Hooray!_

_5 hours later..._

_SPONGEBOB: Mr. Krabs! I'm off to my lunch break now!_

_MR. KRABS: (laughing) Oh, Spongebob! You don't qualify to have a lunch break until you work another 156 hours...without a raise._

_SPONGEBOB: Say, Mr. Krabs! I think that's an unfair way to treat your workers. _

_MR. KRABS: Well, you don't hear Squidward complaining, do you?_

_SQUIDWARD: Fuck you, Mr. Krabs._

_MR. KRABS: That's the kind of attitude I expect from my workers. Good job, Squidward!_

_The cheap bastard rounds on Spongebob._

_MR.KRABS: You could learn something from this depressed drone, Spongebob._

_SPONGEBOB: Mr. Krabs, you know that I've put up a helluva lot from you, but if you decide to do the most minor thing you've ever done in years, I'm going on strike! _

_MR. KRABS: Yeah, well bring it on, you lousy sponge!_

_After a hilarious transition, Spongebob is on strike outside the restaurant._

_MR. KRABS: Goddamn it, me and my mouth. Squidward, what are we going to do?!_

_SQUIDWARD: I suggest that you find a new frycook. Preferably one that's less of a dipshit than the Sponge._

_MR. KRABS: Squidward, that's a fantastic idea! What hilarious shenanigans will I go through to find a new one?_

**Find out after we return from our commercial and we see what happens on...Subconsious Theatre!!**

**TO BE CONTINUED!**

**A/N: PLEASE REVIEW! **


	2. Chapter 2

**Welcome back to Subconsious Theatre! When we last left off the Bikini Bottom, our favorite little dumb-shit Spongebob Squarepants went on strike to get a longer lunch break. Now, without his fantastic frycook on board, Mr. Krabs is hunting high and low for a new one! Let's watch what happens...**

_Mr. Krabs sighs and writes on a clipboard after another frycook leaves._

_MR. KRABS: Damn, all of these other frycooks suck balls! Was Spongebob the only one in town?_

_SQUIDWARD: Come to think of it, there aren't really any other real restaurants around here. Are we the only one in town? Is the only restaurant in the whole place this greasy spoon hamburger stand? This is so fucking retarted! Why don't people eat anywhere else? It confounds me! It upsets me! It--_

_MR. KRABS: Squidward, shut the fuck up. We have one more fry cook left._

_Another frycook walks in. He's clearly Spongebob with a fake moustache._

_SPONGEBOB: What up, dudemeisters? I heard your old frycook skipped out on you, and y'all needed a new one! Let me just say--_

_MR. KRABS: What do you take us for, you little shit? Shouldn't you be on strike?_

_Spongebob begins to sweat like mad just like in the cartoons, disregarding the fact that he is both underwater, and that he's a FUCKING SPONGE._

_SPONGEBOB: Um...I don't know what y'all are...dropping on me...dude._

_MR. KRABS: GET THE FUCK OUT!!_

_Mr. Krabs kicks Spongebob's ass out. Spongebob rips his moustache off._

_SPONGEBOB: Well, I'm not giving up that easy. I can hold out for as long as he wants._

_(62 days later...)_

_Spongebob hands over the keys to his pineapple to a repo man._

_SPONGEBOB: Damn, this sucks. I shouldn't have so enthusiastic my entire life. I should've just been like Squidward and told everyone to go screw themselves._

_Patrick walks over._

_PATRICK: Spongebob, it just breaks my heart to see you so broken up like this. I'd be honored for you to come over to my rock until you're back on your feet._

_SPONGEBOB: Gee, thanks buddy. I'll just disregard the fact that you own a house with no income what so ever._

_Spongebob opens the door and enters Patrick's home. It's a weird S&M sex chamber, complete with sex swing and other strange devices. Spongebob looks very uncomfortable._

_SPONGEBOB: Um, Patrick...what is this?_

_PATRICK: Oh, it's just my sex chamber. I use it to have sex with people._

_SPONGEBOB: No shit, Sherlock._

_Patrick whips off his pants._

_SPONGEBOB: Jesus, Patrick! Put your fucking pants off._

_PATRICK: Wait...you're not gay?_

_SPONGEBOB: Hell no! Even though my voice many signal it, and I even seem so flamboyant that Christian groups are protesting my existance, no. I'm not gay._

_PATRICK: Wow...this is awkward._

_SPONGEBOB: Yes...frankly it is._

_Spongebob's quiet for a second, then..._

_SPONGEBOB: Patrick! You're a genius!_

_PATRICK: What the fuck are you talking about?_

_SPONGEBOB: No time to explain. I'll see you in a bit!_

_Spongebob runs away._

_PATRICK: Damn, I was this close._

_He gets out of his rock._

_PATRICK: Hey, Squidward! Wanna have sex?_

_SQUIDWARD: I'm on my way!_

_Meanwhile, Spongebob races through the door of the Krusty Krab._

_MR. KRABS: Spongebob, get the fuck out. I'm not accepting any offer._

_SPONGEBOB: Wait, Mr. Krabs! I'll make you an offer I know you can't refuse, courtesy of the blatant gayness of my best friend._

_MR. KRABS: Argh...Alright, I'll give you a shot._

_Mr. Krabs and Spongebob go into the office, with Spongebob locking the door._

_(30 minutes later...)_

_Mr. Krabs and Spongebob exit, both looking very pleased._

_MR. KRABS: Spongeboy, me bob! That was the best blowjob I ever recieved in my life! Consider your lunch break as long as you want._

_SPONGEBOB: Hooray! Although I know something's gonna go to shit in the next episode. I mean, seriously. Think about it, Mr. Krabs. In reality, our lives are just slapstick fodder for toddlers and infant. Look at what we're introducing to these new generations. They should be watching Nova or PBS or some shit besides this. Please, change the channel. You're children will thank you..._

_Silence..._

_MR. KRABS: Shut the fuck up, Spongebob._

**Well, there you have it, ladies and gentlemen. This is what our favorite under-the-sea friends think while under the spotlight. Please stay tooned for our next edition of "Subconsious Theatre."**

**A/N: Smart Alec sez "Give A Hoot! Review!"**


End file.
